I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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