Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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