when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
