So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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