did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
