me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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