I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
