He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
