you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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