The best revenge is premature balding
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
