You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
