A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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