apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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