Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
