he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
