If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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