you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
