broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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