today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
