I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
