How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
