Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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