I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
