i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
