i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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