sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
