our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
