I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
