actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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