K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
