why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
