he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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