there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
