It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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