Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
