the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
