I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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