I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
