i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
