im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
