Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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