Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
