WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
