is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
