I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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