24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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