remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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