It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All the doctor said was why
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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