I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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