i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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