woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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