haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
