i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
