dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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